Mammograms

I had a mammogram today. I haven't had one in two years due to last year's shenanigans:) Funny how prior to my accident I gave little thought to test results, i.e. mammograms, pap smears, etc...I felt it was highly unlikely that anything could be wrong, "Not gonna happen to me, no way." Now, however, it's the opposite mind set. "I'll probably get a call from my doctor tomorrow telling me we need to have a chat." I worry about health matters - mine, my husband's, our son's. No more blissful naivete, for something bad came into our lives. It's as if I left the door open and this creature snuck in and changed my world, my outlook. Now I am painfully aware of shattering life crises.


Hopefully, and there is always that, I'll get a note with "no problems" checked. I will then be free to keep on moving forward, to try to leave the past behind. I've never been a real positive thinker. I learned when I was young to imagine what the worse thing that could happen is, and then I wouldn't be disappointed. It seemed whenever I thought positively, what I didn't want would occur. What is that all about? I know books have been written about the power of positive thinking, of how you make your own destiny, you are what you think, blah, blah. I've just never been able to harness that thought process. I wonder why that is. There are opptimists and pessimists, but how does it start? Is it chemicals in the brain, the way I was raised, my role-models? Probably both. But why so often in my life did the thought "Imagine the worst that could happen" seem to be a sort of insurance that controlled my fate?